Guy Talk At A Bar

"There he is! What the f*** were you doing? Let me get you a beer."

"Nothing. F***ing rain and people driving like they just got their license."

"Okay, Saturday game. Are we on for a beer? We're going to kick your ass."

"F*** the game. Check out 10 o' clock."

"Yeah, I'd ski on those. "

"Dude, did you hear about Goldman Sachs?"

"Yeah, I don't understand how they could make such a big decision based on VaR (Value at risk). I mean.... oh wait, check out 2 o' clock. Is she a new hostess? I've never seen her. "

"F***, yeah. She smiled at me when I walked in."

"Is that your card to get in before us? Oh, I'd love to have her over for Thanksgiving."

"So, guys... I was over at this titty-bar last Friday. The girl says, 'You can touch my legs, my back and maybe gently brush against my breasts.' Two minutes after, she gets up off of my lap and screams at me - 'I said GENTLY!' I think that was the best titty-bar moment in my life."

"I gotta tell you this. Wait, did you see that game? (looking at the TV monitor). Dude, he threw that ball like his life depended on it. It was a good game. Anyway, where was I? Wait, Lucy, can you get me and my friends another round?...Yeah, I'm lost. What were you saying? By the way, Lucy, you look good in a skirt."

"Dude, did you hear about this six-year-old boy who got trapped in a homemade gas ballon? That sh** took off at like 100 mph."

"Yeah, imagine the story he'd have when he's sixteen."

"F***ker would be getting laid at every corner with that story."

"Was he saved?"

"What are you, a faggot?"

"Guys, I gotta tell you this."

"What, old fart? Don't tell me you got laid again. That's old."

"No, dude! So, twenty years ago, I was at this titty-bar. I was getting a friend a lapdance. The stripper said we could take a polaroid picture with her. Six years after, my friend's dad found that picture in his glove box. Two years ago, my friend's dad died. I was at his funeral. The friend's sister found the picture, walked up to us and said, 'Here you go, you horny motherf*******.' My friend looked at it and said, 'F***!!!! I've been looking for that picture for twenty years!' Beat that story."

Laugther. Silence. Laughter.

"Okay, girl in pink stripes. Don't look now."

"Holy sh**. Are they real? I doubt that."

"Who cares? Dude, I don't understand this sh**. Every hot girl has a douche for a f******* boyfriend."

"Oh man. I'd hit that."

"Small d***s and faggots apparently go a long way."

"Are we doing one more?"

"I'm out."

"Me too."

"Later."